June 20, 2009 at 2:07 PM 1 comment

Aloha! I have returned from the far off lands of Hawai’i.Hawaiin Islands

First of all, California was overcast when we left it, and we hoped it wouldn’t be so at our destination. Unfortunately, it was. Stupid clouds, following me like the Communists followed my parents from China to Vietnam. In fact, after we left a raining Hawai’i, the clouds followed us back home!

Although quite beautiful, Hawai’i is quite overrated. In the videos, you see schools of colorful fish, but when you actually stick your head under the warm (and salty) waters, you can hardly find any. Maybe we shouldn’t have waited so many years before going.

I’d also like to mention that Hawai’i doesn’t do anything for your sock tans. Of course, I was wearing socks most of the time.

Our taxi driver, Mario, from the airport to the Sheraton Waikiki was cool. Government owned casinos, tax on Coca-colas, electric car taxes — if he was running the show, then we wouldn’t be in this recession.

You know, it’s interesting. You pay so much for a “five-star” hotel and they don’t give you squat. Compare this to the more affordable lodgings like Holiday Inn and Best Western. There, you have everything but the beach access: free Internet, complimentary breakfast, and even a mini kitchenette so you can reheat that really good Korean BBQ from the night before. You still have your pool and cable television — all that’s missing is the beach access. It’s not like we even had a beach view at the Sheraton anyways.

So on our first day, we drove up and down the coast. It appears that while coconuts (despite the abundance of the 10,000 trees planted by King Kakuhihewa) are not to be easily found, “shave ice” was. I don’t know why they don’t bother to spell it properly, as in shaved ice, but there you go. After seeing a long line of people snaking around M. Matsumoto’s store, we succumbed to mob psychology and waited half an hour in line for some high fructose corn syrup and expanded water. It was good, but like the rest of Hawai’i, overrated. Could have gotten one just as good at home — if only I could find them at home.


After paying our respects to the fallen at Pearl Harbor the next day, we went to see “Hawaii’s #1 paid attraction,” PCC. The Polynesian Cultural Center is where I discovered my love of the Samoans, “the happy people” (because the men do all the cooking). These guys are hilarious. You can’t really describe it in words — you have to go meet one for yourself. But if you ever see one who says he’s from Hawai’i, don’t welcome him to the United States. They’re also really great with fire, and they climb trees too!


Following the all nighter, which included a luau and PCC’s signature Horizon show, we got a ride over to Hanauma Bay to snorkel, where we found the lack of fish I mentioned earlier. Snorkeling takes a while to get used to. It feels like your going to run out of air before you realize you have to breathe slower, only you can’t, because you’re panicing, and the only thing more annoying than swallowing sea water because you didn’t bite the snorkel correctly is having the sea steal your snorkel. Now my snorkeling goggles are all lonely.

Then we parasailing. Let me tell you: water + wind ≠ happy camper. And remember the straps go on your thighs, not your gluteus. My brother found out the hard way after the straps got familiar with his crotch.

Finally, on the last day, after screwing around with the water on Waikiki Beach, we hiked up Diamond Head crater to the observation post. I have to say, whoever constructed the trail seemed to have just slapped concrete here and there. The hike was long and tough, but in the end, it was worth it (see photo below, click to enlarge). Once you’re up there, it’s hard to start on the way back down.

Island of Oahu

And that concludes my trip to Hawai’i. Aloha and mahalo for reading!


Entry filed under: Revelations. Tags: , , .

And Breathe Out Guest Post: A Discourse on Diversity Week

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. The Matchmaker  |  July 2, 2009 at 8:29 PM

    good stuff you have there…

    did you get to eat a whole pig?

    great photo of that fire dancer.. looks like a M he is spelling…

    better get to hawaii before it gets eroded away and returns to the mantle for recycling…


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