Impromptu Experts

September 21, 2008 at 5:40 PM 1 comment

My parents should join Speech and Debate or become a lawyer or something.

I don’t know how they do it. It’s the hardest thing in the world. I can’t even do a prepared one, much less make it all up right then.

Nevertheless, they manage to create half-hour long impromptu speeches without giving any thought to it. They’ve obviously have had training somewhere somehow.

Like an expert, they know how to mutate the same sentence a million times over and then splice them together to form a coherent stream of thought. They know how to project their voices loud enough to have the neighbors next door be able to overhear, and how to correctly channel their emotions to imbue passion and fire into their speech. You wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from a genuinely angry person.

Another well-known strategy is implementing past experiences, dredging up horrible tales from their supposedly “underprivileged childhood” to try an make it seem like their speech means something to them. My parents try to move the audience, asking deep, potent questions, such as “How can you live with yourself” and bringing up the subject of African Poverty. “Kids these days, ” they say,” so ingrateful. We come all the way from that far country China – born you here in America, to do what? [insert the reason for their speech].”

The only pity is that I never really pay any attention to their lectures.

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Entry filed under: Revelations.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Angel  |  September 24, 2008 at 5:17 PM

    grammatical error in fourth paragraph, first sentence.

    What is after “the” before the last line?

    I am sure that if your brother put a virus that formats the hard drive and everything plugged in into your laptop, you could create impromptu speeches.

    Reply

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