Political Ignorance

Today, my friends were talking about politics and stuff.
Well, I must confess that I have more or less been living in a box.

I don’t watch that box of flickering lights people call TV, nor do I listen to the radio. In fact, I do read the news. Reuter’s Oddly Enough articles. It’s my only link to the world outside of the not so accurate gossip network.

So I was more or less left confounded while my friends rambled on about politics and Clinton or something of which I had little knowledge of. So, like Finny of A Separate Peace, I put on an expression of thoughtfulness and threw in a couple understanding nods and “Yea’s” and attempted to not seem out of the loop.

I don’t really see a point in catching on until I’m eighteen, a good three years from now. In fact, I found it almost annoying how people would battle it out over whether Obama, McCain, or Clinton is winning. To me, it’s just some far off place; as far as the battlefields of Iraq or the playing fields of Trojans vs. Bruins that has nothing to do with me. Come to think of it, I don’t really care who becomes President in my own school’s Associated Student Body. It seems that no matter who we elect, nothing changes. Absolutely nothing. The only big thing itself is the election; to see who’s the most popular; who’s the greatest liar.

But maybe it is time to come out of the little hole I’ve been sticking my head in. Perhaps who we elect does make a difference – differences that are unnoticeable by me for lack of information.

At the very least, I can try to accidentally stray on to the more practical pages of Reuter’s and maybe, just maybe, become a little less ignorant about politics, if only to save my pride. But don’t ever expect me to care if USC or UCLA’s football teams are better. That’s pushing it.

Budget Cuts

So our economy is in a recession. Which leads to budget cuts. Which lead to teachers getting asked not to return. Which leads to a totally new set of computers. Wait. What? New set of computers? That doesn’t seem typical of what happens during budget cuts.

But believe it or not, they’re here. Yup. Last Friday, I walked into the library expecting to find the old but decent black Dell desktops. While at the front entrance, I saw a flash of silver. I thought, oh, new screens, which in itself was a waste of money.

Then, as I walked closer, I realized that the computers were also silver. This was a surprise. What was even more surprising was that the new hardware was Hewlett Packard. Whatever happened to those contracts with Dell I thought you had?

But that’s not the end of the surprises. These computers were better than mine! Not that my computer is top of the line, or anything, but a school computer outclassing a private one? That’s unheard of! These things had 2.33 GHz Core Duo’s and 2 GB’s of RAM. Crazy. What does a school computer need that much power for, anyways? It’s not like they’re needed to play Crysis or anything.

Not that I have a problem with using really fast computers (once you’ve used one you never want to go back to your piece of junk), but I remember that there were budget cuts. Why the new computers? You could have kept the teachers you sacked for another year with the money*. Or you could have kept the Academic Decathlon as a class. The school has to get its priorities straight sometimes.

*My friend once noted that instead of cutting teachers, we should cut the deans. Who needs them, anyways? All they do is drive around wasting energy with their fancy little flame-decaled golf carts.

Selective Memory Loss

Many people claim they suffer from Short Term Memory Loss, which is rather hard to cure. One of the few known effective methods is to hang out with a small, orange and white fish known as Nemo and repeating, “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!”. However, one cannot spend their entire life living in an anem-anem-anemenemone, nor are there enough Nemo’s to help everyone suffering from Short Term Memory Loss.

Once upon a time, my teachers believed I suffered from Short Term Memory Loss. But thanks to a recent self-diagnostic, I discovered that I suffer from Selective Memory Loss.

What is Selective Memory Loss?
Selective Memory Loss (SML) is type of memory loss. However, the only memories the afflicted person loses are the one he or she chooses to forget.

Causes
No one is really sure what causes Selective Memory Loss, although we do know that SML afflicts both the right and left temporal lobes of the brain, creating a manner that bears resemblance to a smiley face, as depicted by the electroencephalogram below.

Studies have shown that SML is spontaneous and that every person is capable of developing SML, although lazy people are more prone to it than others. SML is not contagious. SML cannot be transmitted through bodily contact, contact with fluids from an SML afflicted person, or even sexual intercourse. However, conversations about the disorder can induce SML with those involved. In fact, by reading this article, it is quite possible that you will suddenly discover that you have the disorder yourself.

Symptoms
The symptoms of Selective Memory Loss cannot be easily seen from the outside, unlike Short Term Memory Loss. A person with Short Term Memory Loss will suddenly turn around and go, “Who are you? Why are you stalking me?”. However, someone with SML is much more subtle.

To find out whether or not you have Selective Memory Loss, try to remember something you don’t want to remember. If you can remember it, then you do not have SML. However, it is quite hard to do this self-test mentally, because in order to ask yourself, you must somehow remember the event and figure out if you remember it, but if you know the event you don’t want to know, then you don’t have it. It is quite paradoxical. It is therefore recommended to have a list of forgotten events handy.

Is Selective Memory Loss bad? How will it affect me?
Unlike Short Term Meomry Loss, SML is not necessarily a bad gift to have. It is quite useful as an excuse for students who make mistakes more than once. All one with SML needs to say is, “I’m sorry, but I have SML. Apparently, I seemed to have forgotten that I made a mistake before, so it’s technically only my first time making the mistake. It won’t happen again, I promise” – and then promptly forgot that they made that promised. But, who can blame them? It’s not their fault they have SML.

SML can also keep a person happy, as all the down sides of life can be forgotten.

However, SML can be used for malevolent purposes. A liar can simply forget that he is lying, and therefore will only be able to express genuine disbelief if their construed lie catches up to them.

Diagnosis & Treatment
There is no known cure for Selective Memory Loss. However, a simple will to remember everything will be enough to negate the effects of it. Clinical studies have also shown that eating meat and avoiding soy products may help.

Prognosis
Selective Memory Loss is not a terminal disease. However, if one chooses to forget life saving information, such as looking both ways when crossing the street, or never to eat a Mentos and drink Coke at the same time, then Selective Memory Loss could quite possibly be indirectly lethal.

NOTE: The type of Selective Memory Loss is solely the product of the imagination of the author and is not related to other forms of SML in any way whatsoever. All information regarding SML may retain certain shreds of truth, but is entirely fictional. Moufflets is not responsible for any action taken as a result of this post.