Selective Memory Loss

June 1, 2008 at 8:25 PM 4 comments

Many people claim they suffer from Short Term Memory Loss, which is rather hard to cure. One of the few known effective methods is to hang out with a small, orange and white fish known as Nemo and repeating, “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney!”. However, one cannot spend their entire life living in an anem-anem-anemenemone, nor are there enough Nemo’s to help everyone suffering from Short Term Memory Loss.

Once upon a time, my teachers believed I suffered from Short Term Memory Loss. But thanks to a recent self-diagnostic, I discovered that I suffer from Selective Memory Loss.

What is Selective Memory Loss?
Selective Memory Loss (SML) is type of memory loss. However, the only memories the afflicted person loses are the one he or she chooses to forget.

Causes
No one is really sure what causes Selective Memory Loss, although we do know that SML afflicts both the right and left temporal lobes of the brain, creating a manner that bears resemblance to a smiley face, as depicted by the electroencephalogram below.

Don't worry, it's not lethal.

Studies have shown that SML is spontaneous and that every person is capable of developing SML, although lazy people are more prone to it than others. SML is not contagious. SML cannot be transmitted through bodily contact, contact with fluids from an SML afflicted person, or even sexual intercourse. However, conversations about the disorder can induce SML with those involved. In fact, by reading this article, it is quite possible that you will suddenly discover that you have the disorder yourself.

Symptoms
The symptoms of Selective Memory Loss cannot be easily seen from the outside, unlike Short Term Memory Loss. A person with Short Term Memory Loss will suddenly turn around and go, “Who are you? Why are you stalking me?”. However, someone with SML is much more subtle.

To find out whether or not you have Selective Memory Loss, try to remember something you don’t want to remember. If you can remember it, then you do not have SML. However, it is quite hard to do this self-test mentally, because in order to ask yourself, you must somehow remember the event and figure out if you remember it, but if you know the event you don’t want to know, then you don’t have it. It is quite paradoxical. It is therefore recommended to have a list of forgotten events handy.

Is Selective Memory Loss bad? How will it affect me?
Unlike Short Term Meomry Loss, SML is not necessarily a bad gift to have. It is quite useful as an excuse for students who make mistakes more than once. All one with SML needs to say is, “I’m sorry, but I have SML. Apparently, I seemed to have forgotten that I made a mistake before, so it’s technically only my first time making the mistake. It won’t happen again, I promise” – and then promptly forgot that they made that promised. But, who can blame them? It’s not their fault they have SML.

SML can also keep a person happy, as all the down sides of life can be forgotten.

However, SML can be used for malevolent purposes. A liar can simply forget that he is lying, and therefore will only be able to express genuine disbelief if their construed lie catches up to them.

Diagnosis & Treatment
There is no known cure for Selective Memory Loss. However, a simple will to remember everything will be enough to negate the effects of it. Clinical studies have also shown that eating meat and avoiding soy products may help.

Prognosis
Selective Memory Loss is not a terminal disease. However, if one chooses to forget life saving information, such as looking both ways when crossing the street, or never to eat a Mentos and drink Coke at the same time, then Selective Memory Loss could quite possibly be indirectly lethal.

NOTE: The type of Selective Memory Loss is solely the product of the imagination of the author and is not related to other forms of SML in any way whatsoever. All information regarding SML may retain certain shreds of truth, but is entirely fictional. Moufflets is not responsible for any action taken as a result of this post.

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Entry filed under: Revelations, School.

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Korn-on-the-Kebab  |  June 3, 2008 at 2:25 AM

    You have an error in the first paragraph. Repeating should only be repeat.

    Why isnt anyone else commenting?

    Can you tell me if i suffer from this terrible, life-allieviating disease?

    Did a teacher really tell you that you had STML?

    Oh… OMG.. HOW RUDE?

    this is not korn

    Reply
  • 2. Anonymous  |  June 7, 2008 at 6:49 AM

    EATING MEAT, YEAH RIGHT

    Reply
  • 3. Christine  |  June 7, 2008 at 11:24 PM

    -_-x
    eating meat
    no soy products?

    i smell like freaking curry. i hate it now.

    and have people really exploded from eating mentos and drinking coke?

    Reply
  • 4. Christine  |  June 7, 2008 at 11:25 PM

    your thank-you note says unkown >_>

    Reply

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