Best Burger on Earth

May 4, 2008 at 1:03 AM 7 comments

Today, I went to Carl’s Junior for lunch. Like a good Asian family, we were never going to buy anything full priced if we could help it, so of course we brought along a couple coupons.

Anticipating some version of the McDonald’s incident, we split up our orders, hoping that the cashier wouldn’t notice that we were part of a group.

After my dad had purchased his order, I was next in line. I presented my “$1.00 OFF the Original Six Dollar Burger” coupon and placed an order for a sandwich only, because only non-Asians would ever buy a combo meal and get rip offed for some syrup in carbonated water and puffed up potatoes.

The guy behind the counter rings up my order and then hands me back the coupon, “Use it again?”

Did he just say “Use it again?” I was shocked. I looked up and the guy was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, holding out the coupon, my receipt, and my change.

“No, that’s all right; besides, it expires tomorrow.”

“It’s ok, take it.”

I take it. Unbelievable. Now this is the customer service I’m talking about. If every restaurant was like this, the world would be a much better place to live in.

But that’s not even what this post is about.

This post is about the Six Dollar Burger, what has to be one of the greatest burgers on Planet Earth.

My friend Turkeyface and I once went to a Carl’s Jr. after school. We ordered the Original Six Dollar burger. When it came, we greedily opened the box. Inside was the tallest creation of edible joy I had ever seen. We reverently picked up the burger and brought it up to our mouths to take our First Bite.

We opened our jaws and brought them around the burger, but then we encountered a problem. The burger was so big that we simply couldn’t fit sandwich in our mouths. What to do? We could try to dislocate our jaws like snakes do, or we could take a fork and knife and carve up the burger into more manageable pieces. Finally, we decided to take our most of the lettuce, because we figured that it would have the least impact on our experience.

Finally, we were able to take the First Bite. Our incisors cut their way through three inches of food; buns, patty, and greens alike.

The meat, the entire half inch of it, was great! Tyrannosaurus rexes all over the world were probably turning over in their graves as I savored the massive slab of charbroiled pleasure. This burger would actually have made the original Carl’s Junior’s commercial make sense, with the dripping ketchup and everything. The thing was messy; we needed like a quarter of the napkin dispenser.

I’ve yet to see the world, but this burger trumps all. My only regret was that we ordered the combo meal.

What a waste.

Only from Carl's Junior

P.S.: The Portabello ‘shroom burger ain’t half bad, either, and the only burgers I’m eating from McDonald’s ever again are its Third Pounders. Big Macs aren’t that big anymore.

P.S.S.: In-n-Out makes the best normal burgers.

Another Six Dollar Burger experience.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Food.

Need a Moment? Extracurricular Folly

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jules  |  May 6, 2008 at 5:29 PM

    OK – so in NC (all the way over on the other coast) Carl’s Junior is called Hardees.

    And O.M.G.!!! I cannot agree with you more on the love of the $6 burger. I first had one about 4 yrs ago. Up until that point, I only had one other experience with eating so much I had to throw up to feel better. Now I have 2 stories in my life that end with happy vomit.

    The burger was so good I just couldn’t stop eating it!!

    And my friends think that Arby’s sandwiches are made of crack. HA!

    Reply
  • 2. Christine  |  May 8, 2008 at 2:54 AM

    Now this is the customer service I’m talk about. -typo

    Inside was the tallest creations of edible joy I had ever seen. -subject-verb agreement

    The thing was messy, we needed like a quarter of the napkin dispenser. -replace the dang comma

    OKAY. TIME FOR SOME COMMENTS!

    1. (Now this is the customer service I’m talk about. If every restaurant was like this, the world would be a much better place to live in.) if everyone in the food industry reused coupons like that, the rest of the world that uses coupons would say that they are liable do the same, with say, the lottery. so i win. i think i’m gonna use it again the next day.

    2. (Finally, we decided to take our most of the lettuce, because we figured that it would have the least impact on our experience.) you should have just cut it. vegetable hater. vegetables won’t give you heartburn and won’t do other bad things to your chest area.

    3. (The thing was messy, we needed like a quarter of the napkin dispenser.) i’m asian, and i’m ALWAYS messy. it’s required that i at least use a THIRD of the napkin dispenser. i am not dainty. ay, me.

    4. (The Portabello ‘shroom burger ain’t half bad, either, and the only burgers I’m eating from McDonald’s ever again are its Third Pounders. Big Macs aren’t that big anymore.) you’re a flippin’ pig. i can’t even eat that much.

    Reply
  • 3. Korn  |  May 9, 2008 at 5:11 AM

    If every restuarant and shop allowed consumers to use coupons, coupons would not be so special anymore. First of all, the shop could increase the price. Secondly, people would have different critera on price. Finally, green eggs and ham would be in Red Robin’s seven dollar burgers. I hope Carl’s Jr. does not attempt to dominate the world in a way similar to that of Mcdonalds.

    Reply
  • 4. Anonymous  |  May 19, 2008 at 6:22 AM

    ha, yes… finally a good, concise blog post that does not follow the strict rules of English. You have good content. I love this post. I love Karl’s Jr. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

    Reply
  • 5. someone-from-ahs  |  May 22, 2008 at 3:27 PM

    I believe Moufflets has already made it clear that the author is of the MALE gender. Your last statement is sexist, so for the sake of a better humanity, please keep your incorrect assumptions to yourself.

    Reply
  • 6. Anonymous  |  May 27, 2008 at 2:29 AM

    dude, how come Korn is always so annoying?

    Reply
  • 7. Anonymous  |  June 11, 2008 at 12:37 AM

    you’re a pig.nice blog though.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Calendar

May 2008
S M T W T F S
« Apr   Jun »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Blog Forecast

  • Cloudy with a chance of moufflets.

Feeds

Open to interpretation. All poorly constructed humor and errors are merely figments of your own imagination.

By viewing this content, whether reproduced here or elsewhere in any form, you realize that said content is product of a persona, and you agree to hold the persona separate from the identity of the author.

Copyright © 2008 - 2010 Moufflets.
All rights reserved.

Certain images are used without permission. Please notify if this presents an issue.

Creative Commons License
This work by Moufflets is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.


%d bloggers like this: