Shower Episodes

March 20, 2008 at 4:34 AM 1 comment

Showering is a sacred time.

It is a time of peace, renewal, and singing without worrying about anyone else hearing.
But sometimes bad things desecrate this wonderful time.

Bloody Noses
You just washed your body, and then your hands go to your face and then come down bloody. Of all the times to have a bloody nose, why the shower? Everything is wet, so the blood runs all over the place. You tilt your head up, hoping to stop the flow, only to have blood run down your throat as your attempt to shampoo your hair. Finally, you’ve had enough. You slide open the door and reach around trying to find the toilet paper. On your first grab, you find wall. On the second grab, you find more wall while your arm drips water all over the floor. Finally, you find the roll. You try to get it off the roll holder and almost drop axle into the toilet. With the roll in your hand, you rip off a length of the Charmin ultra, leaving wet fingerprints on the super-absorbent (you didn’t think of this when you bought that twelve pack) Charmin ultra roll. Then you ball the paper up and plug it into your nose, after which you suffer the indignity of the plug and go through the difficulty of trying to finish showering without getting the nose plug soggy. For the grand finale, you have to attempt to dry and dress yourself without getting blood on your towel and clothes. Bloody noses sure make bliddy messes.

Blackouts
Other bad things include blackouts, leaving you to shower in the dark. Luckily, the boiler is still running (unless your living in San Francisco in the year 1906 and there’s been an earthquake, then tougher luck) and you have warm water. But don’t trip on the soap or bang your cranium on the shower head.

Who flushed the toilet!?!
Also, don’t you just hate it when you’ve got the water running at the perfect temperature, and then someone in the house either flushes the toilet or uses the hot water. Meanwhile, you’re unaware of this unauthorized water usage, and continue showering. Then, not gradually, the water suddenly becomes extremely hot or extremely cold, making you jump and then land on your back on the rather dense shower floor. But that’s not enough. The water doesn’t return to normal for about a minute, which in the meantime you are trying to avoid the hostile water and shivering the cold air while that moron at the other end of the pipe goes about oblivious to your suffering. Whatever happened to first come first serve?

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. christine x  |  April 21, 2008 at 3:41 AM

    DUDE
    whenever i have to get something while in the shower, I HATE GETTING WATER EVERYWHERE because there’s already so much water…

    and i never knew water didn’t run on electricity…and ‘bliddy’ sounds funny…and the water goes all wacko when someone flushes?

    Reply

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