the Holy Bell

March 8, 2008 at 5:42 AM 2 comments

The Bell is omnipotent.
It is the creator of Time. The Bell starts the day, and the Bell ends the day. The Bell created school, classwork, lunch, and homework in five days. The Bell in Its mercy gave us the sixth and seventh day to do the homework that the Bell created for us.

The Bell is omnipresent.
It is in A Hall, it is in G Hall, it is in J Building, it is everywhere but P Lot.

The Bell is our Savior.
It rings to save you from the boredom of class. It rings to save you from answering the question that you don’t know.

The Bell is our Judge.
Those who believe and follow the Bell will arrive on time and are awarded by having no tardies or truancies. Those who do not follow the Bell are punished are dragged to the depths of the Attendance Office by Deans upon their golf-carts.

The Bell turned off in June to save its students, its children, whom it could care neither more nor less for. The Bell was resurrected in September to punish the indolence of its children over the summer.

The Bell gave the Principal Ten Commandments to rule the Principal’s students:

  1. I am the Bell and I dismiss you, but the teacher’s dismissal over rules me.
  2. You shall not listen to an iPod in class.
  3. Listen for the Bell and do not be late.
  4. Honor your teacher and your Principal.
  5. You shall not throw things in class.
  6. You shall not commit sexual harassment.
  7. You shall not steal in the locker rooms.
  8. You shall not lie to your teachers.
  9. You will not covet the answers of your classmates.
  10. You will not covet the grade of A- or below.

Inspired by Elie Wiesel’s Night:

The bell. Already we must separate, go to bed. Everything was regulated by the bell. It gave me orders, and I automatically obeyed them. I hated it. Whenever I dreamed of a better world, I could only imagine a universe with no bells.

Check out the Assertive Atheist’s Ten Commandments.


Entry filed under: School. Tags: , .

Cheesy Romances Dramatic Stereotypes

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. christine x  |  April 21, 2008 at 3:45 AM

    dude man
    i love how you talk about things like this…i was totally thinking about elie weisel…you talk about a lots of different things, and you present it in a variety of ways…like this whole list thing. awesome.

  • 2. celestee  |  May 3, 2008 at 6:28 PM

    whoa. this is the first time i’m actually reading all the stuff that you’ve written in like the past. that list of the commandments stuff is awesome. LOL your rants are soo random.


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